the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
