we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think my fart just growled at me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
