You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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