You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm like, not good at living.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
