What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
