He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
