he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
