you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
