Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
