Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
birth control should be required to get into college
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
