And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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