Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
