Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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