Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
