remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
