the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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