So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm at about main and main street
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
