so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
