cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
