i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
