Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
