then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
