i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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