I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
