Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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