Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
