He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
