Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
