We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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