Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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