This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
