another moral hangover. fuck.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
