Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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