The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
