I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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