They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
