TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
