whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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