mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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