i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
