I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
