just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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