I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
