i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
