listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
