im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
