he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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