I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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