ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
