i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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