So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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