You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
